I just had the strangest dream in past few weeks. I woke up with a broken heart, though the dream was not even sad at all, it was all happy indeed. But I was sad, really-really sad that I got so blue. A line that kept coming in my head is the quote from post grad (a movie), what you do with your life is only one-half of the equation, more importantly, it is who you're with when you're doing it. 

Few days ago, I posted a list of my lifetime wishes on my tumblr, how I planned to become popular, get into Harvard, travel around the world someday, and blablabla. Now, it just feels so awful to realize that I am such a simple-minded materialist. See, today, I got everything, everything that I wished I had, a macbook, apartment, a scholarship to study abroad. But something is still missing, I am still feeling incomplete. I always thought, maybe, the reason for my incompleteness is that, I don't posses enough materials or luxury. So I kept asking for more and more and more and even more. I kept turning my head at the people who got more things.

Today, I know I have been wrong. I never wished to be happy and that's my problem. I always thought that good things would make me happy, but no. Things wouldn't ever satisfy me. I need people. I need real people who love me, listen to me, and care about me. I learned today that those cool people I admire, were never cool, they just got such cool friends and support system. Then, I looked around, and I discerned that I literally got nobody here. I lost too much friends already. I got so down. Then I randomly rushed to email some friends back home and thanking them for being such a great friends, wishing that we will still keep in touch when we're turning grey (Although my mail app encountered error, so I have no idea whether it got sent or not). 

I really don't want to lose them, cause I know now, they are what really matters in my life.