I have been in Canada for almost 5 months. 5 fuckin months. I still speak, write, and listen as bad as I did before I came here. You know, it sucks when a professor says to you, 'I meant to give you full marks, the idea is really good, but the wording just doesn't polish it'. It sucks to not strike up a conversation in the middle of a dorm party or a joint smoking, just because I can't follow slangs.
I was raised in a simple indonesian family who always spoke indonesian-sundanese. I went to public indonesian schools, from kindergarten to secondary school. My parents never believed in language course (or maybe they just couldn't afford the fees) so I never took english courses for more than 3 months. I did have english classes at school, but the teachers were just pfft. I guess the only phase that really built my english was, when I started english/english-debating club in my high school. I participated in competitions and I met those public speaking gods and goddesses. Then I somehow tried to copy their fluency.
And my only grammar learning was when I studied to ace the SAT and to write scientific essays, in order to be eligible for various college scholarship programs. That is of course far from enough. When I knew I would come here, I said to myself, don't worry I'll get used and will eventually speak like a native. But no! when I got here, people that I met were more likely to adjust their understanding with my style of speaking -_-. So yeah, I would still struggle twice harder to finish papers, case studies, blablabla than anybody here would.
However, I used to think I am that good in english. I inadequately mixed english and indonesian in conversation. I trained myself to pronounce some words in british accent, and now, people make fun of my undefinable accent. I gave people tips on how to improve their english. Now, I'm sick of myself. I can't believe I really did that. So, pals, don't end up the same. If you're not so good on something, don't even bother to show off.
