The Roommate

Last year, I moved in to my college dorm earlier than anybody else. The move-in day was actually August 29th, but I got here at August 25th because I thought I would need some time to cure the jetlag and settle down. It was dead quiet. It felt like I was the only one who lived here (or I actually was, I don't know). I had been waiting for the move in day. I was desperate for my roommate to come. I didn't know who was gonna be my roommate. And when the move-in day came .... there was no roommie!!!

At the floor meeting, everybody was getting to know his/her roommate, while I, was just sitting there by myself, thinking how sad it would be, a year of feeling lonely everyday. I finally got over it and thought, maybe it was just meant to be. But the next week after, when I got back from my first college lecture, I heard some noise in my room. I was really surprised watching my roommate, Edward-Eddie (Yeh, british), his mother, Kim, and his father, Paul loading furnitures into our room.

Turns out, he came late because he just got back from a vacation in Paris with his girlfriend, Marina. Seriously, I couldn't hope for a better roommate. He doesn't belong to any religion, he always listens my random thoughts, he doesn't smoke cigarette (just the w), he's smart, and he's got a pretty sick taste of music. His only downside is the fact that he is a very very clean guy. While I am actually super grabby. It always makes me feel bad.

He is taking the Film and Media program, which is sick. I get to learn a lot of things about film because of him. I also get along and been having some good time with his girlfriend, Marina is such a fun girl. Since Eddie's parents live in France, Marina and Eddie has been regularly visiting each's place on weekends.

Oh, From the first time I met him, I knew we would make such fine friends.

Last Year

These photos below were spontaneously taken during my very first car cruising experience in canada haha. Terry, Jules, Jenn, and I had this idea to get a picture of us thumbing up in front of Loblaws for our accounting presentation (It was worth it, the other group copied this idea). Before we went to Loblaws, Jenn made me meet her dad, I couldn't believe she told her Dad that the other day I said Jules' mom was prettier than Jenn's haha. It was really nice to meet him though, he is such a nice guy. 

On top of that, I'm glad I met these guys and spent some time together last semester. They were so motivational, fun, and most importantly, they never judged me. Too bad, we got different schedule this term. I miss hanging out with them so so bad.

I don't know if it's because the retardedly fast shutter, or I just suck at taking picture, but everybody in these photos actually looks a lot better in real life.

Profile: Excellent Organizational Skills

This is how organized I can be.

Social

In order to get myself a little bit socialized, I have been to numbers of party in my dorm. No offence, I don't know if it's just me, but frankly speaking, I just don't see it exciting to get drunk and dance by yourself in a small dorm pad with a Katy Perry's firework. I mean I do get it it when it comes to clubbing, where the DJ properly puts on dancing beats, where there are dancing floor, bar station, and lounges, but dorm? Naw. 

So when I went to a dorm party, I always ended up standing and stoning myself, feeling really discouraged to just strike up one conversation. People called me arrogant and antisocial, but honestly I am not. I am just, I don't know, awkward? shy? or maybe because english is not my first language, so it is kind of hard for me to bump into a slang conversation or anything related to what's in for canadians. But that's not so true either, I believe I just don't click with people here.

However, I don't even give a damn on what would people think about me. I just feel sad that I've lost such a priceless life that I used to live in. I am not saying liquors, weed, and all college things are no fun. But, I used to be surrounded with people who didn't even care if I was ever cool. People who thought rock is better than Wiz Khalifa. People whom I shared love and life perspectives with. People who would hang out with me, no matter stupid or careless I was. People who didn't judge or tell me what to do.

Life was simply meaningful back then. While, no offence, people I met here are rather materialistic. Everybody is down to get high, fuck, and earn lots of money. I know there's nothing wrong with it, but sometimes, life is not always about that, you know. Love is not about getting laid or girlfie-boyfie. Money doesn't always define happiness. Wearing branded things doesn't always make you look good. Being impulsive is not the only way to get friends. Seriously? humanize yourself! These things are just ... overrated, or at least for me. I swear I fucking want to go home, ugh.

Moral of the story: If you think people around you are such a keeper, do not ever let them go, or worse, leave them.

Long Road to Ruin

I hate it when someone says 'we live only once'. Yeah, I know we do. It just freaks me that I, in fact, have been wasted all these years. You know that 9 ye ol Indonesian blogger? Yea her. She is one of those unpredictably amazing people that make me feel like crap. 9, only 9 and she's already been a swanky writer and fashion retoucher/photographer or whatever she actually is. Pointbeing, she is just too young and phenomenal. Then there is this college mate, whose age is only 22, but he's been managing the American Eagle Outfitters for quite a while, can you believe that? American Eagle! in 22! People these days are such ... dream snappers. I always dreamt to be such a strong figure, but who am I in the reality? what is my specialization? I don't know, none maybe. See I had retired from pro-tennis, I am far from hype, and neither am I a workaholic. Shit, I have never been damn good in a thing.

I used to say to myself, who the fuck cares, as long as I am happy and true, I will be on the right track. But no, I am actually not. It took me so long to realize that I have made the wrong choice and I am not happy. Frankly speaking, I have been down for many times in Humber. Humber is a good school, with the award winning faculty, program, campus life, and the list goes on. But I just don't feel this is exactly where I would belong.

So the other day, I finally found the courage to talk to my dad that I wanted to transfer to York. A university that's got a varsity debating society, historical prides, awesome fraternities, the legendary 'Goddess of Democracy' statue, and most importantly, they got the infamous Rexdall Tennis Court, yes, the court that's been used for grand slam tournaments. At first, my dad was furious that I, out of nowhere, desired to ditch humber. He said I had always been like this since I was in high school. I agreed him and owned the utterance. But then as I slowly explained him my current state in honest yet humble way, he started listening to me and finally understood. Well, he didn't only understand, indeed, he turned really boosterish, he even SUPPORTED me when I was about to turn the idea down (which was really surprising).

Although I am officially permitted to transfer, I'd been worrying whether this is the best path for me. I got things to be sacrificed here. I pondered, what if things don't work out as I planned, what if I am getting old and I still suck in life, what if it's just gonna be another waste of everything. What if I will still be unhappy?

It had been bugging my head until I remembered this quote my best friend once said to me, and finally got calmed down right away. "Well kris, you're young, you can do anything you want in your life" J.A. Yeah I am fucked up, and so what? I am alive dammit, I believe I haven't even reached the first quartile of my long long road, I still got years to fix myself. Nobody insists me to be sensational at this very second. There's no rush, is there? Some are big at 27, some even 40, and I am still 18. Fuck those young richies, fuck those young talented people. Oh and I know Someday, I promise someday the moment finally arises, I will be a lot bigger than them. I promise. For myself. And for my dad.

Home and Love

Few days ago, I re-watched this fawsome Indonesian movie called 3 Hari Untuk Selamanya (Three days to forever). The movie tells a story of Yusuf (Nicholas Saputra),  a middle-class muslim guy who has been assigned the task of transporting an ancient dinner set for his relative's wedding at an Indonesian town called Yogyakarta. Normally, such an important responsibility would prove no problem for a clean cut young man like Yusuf, but when his unpredictable cousin Ambar (Adinia Wirasti) decides to come along for the ride, a delivery that was supposed to take just one day becomes a three day odyssey into the hedonistic world of contemporary youth culture.

When I saw it for the first time years ago, I didn't quite feel the spirit of the movie. But now I feel like I am emotionally attached by it, I think the hubbubs of Ambar and Yusuf's lives excellently reflect the common circumstances encountered in most of Indonesian's post-adolescences. I don't exactly know why, but maybe because I'm currently transitioning to a young adult, I can definitely relate to this movie. It got me homesick! I miss the convenience of living in Indonesia and I can't stop playing one of the movie's soundtrack songs, float-pulang, on repeat. This movie made me contemplate (again), why did I ever decide to leave such an amazing country in which my loved ones reside. Indonesia has got its 'distinct' environment, the mix between traditional and modern lifestyle makes it really easy for everybody to fall in love. Isn't it beautiful huh? compared to the bustling city of toronto where love, withers. Torontonians are able to define the use of money, but they just don't understand the sweet meaning of life, as we, Indonesians do.

Not to mention, everything is pirated in Indonesia (which is good), I can buy 2 good-quality dvds for a dollar right in front of my home. I can buy (originally) hundreds bucks software for literally thousand times cheaper. Information flows very quickly. Every guy owns at least a fake pair of nudie jeans, the gals are such sweet babes, the pride, the formals, the malls, the movies, ahhh, only Indonesian could understand. I want to turn grey and fucking die in Indonesia!

If I could just transfer my credits to a decent Indonesian university, if it just worked as It does here, or If I just didn't have to start over, believe me, I would go back home. Yes! regardless the months of studying SAT and crafting essays for the scholarship, regardless the thousand times better working opportunity and standard of living, I would go back, heck, I would. After few months apart from my family and my best friends, I have come to realize, life is not always about getting rich. I used to not believe this, but it's actually true, money doesn't define happiness. There were days here, when I got so blue, something was always aching in my heart, and I knew, that must be because I didn't feel complete and content here. Oh yes for fuck's sake, I regret it. I regret coming here :(

Every single person thinks he/she is the most justified individual. Some people say it is okay to smoke marijuana, but not cigarette. Some people say cigarette is a lot better, since it doesn't damage your brain. Some people drink beer, some not. Some men even think it is a sin to stare at women's eyes. There are people who urge us to invest for the afterlife, they scream religious prophecies and everything, while there are also people like my atheist roommate, who think it is a complete nonsense.

During my last winter break, I got a big fight with a friend (now ex-friend) who said that he got bugged by what I did. Though I personally believe what I did was really simple and caused no harm to anybody, he had exaggeratedly gotten mad so so bad. He thought he cared a lot about me as that he called me simple minded, immature, and real-friendless. I was very offended by his words and I tried my best not to lose my temper. And know what, it turned out he was the one who yelled at me, defriended me on facebook plus other social networking services, and eventually slammed my room's door. I could careless about that, he was never a full-time friend anyway. It is just sad to know, it's true that some people's maturity just doesn't follow up their ages.

See, I am not an ethical relativist, but, I strongly believe that we simply can't judge. We are just the way we are. We value different norms since, probably, we came from different background, were raised in different environment, or got influenced by different inspirations. And I think that is simply just how it works, everybody is fine by their own way.

Judging is truly overrated, especially the inauthentic judgement developed from someone/something else, it is just hypocritical. We can't interfere with someone's belief, indeed, I think it is wrong to just say things about it. My religion taught me to believe what I think is right to me and let others believe what they think is right to them, oh, I am really proud to embrace this everyday. Can't people just say 'oh, okay' to something they dislike, think about their own lives and start fixing themselves by their own way, instead of declaring war and condemning the opposing party. Can't they? I can.